Friday in the First Week of Lent

Collect of the Day

Lord Christ, our eternal Redeemer, grant us such fellowship in your sufferings, that, filled with your Holy Spirit, we may subdue the flesh to the spirit, and the spirit to you, and at the last attain to the glory of your resurrection; who live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Psalm           Lessons

130            Ezekiel 18:21-28  Matthew 5:20-26

 

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you, so that you may be revered. Psalm 130: 1-4

 I love today’s collect. Today we ask to be granted fellowship in Christ’s suffering, so that we may be filled with the Holy Spirit and subdue our flesh to the spirit and the spirit to Christ. When I am suffering, when I am in the pit, then all I can think about is how I can be better, kinder, more spirit-filled so that I can get out of the pit and never get there again. In my suffering I pray without ceasing. In my suffering I am more sympathetic to others who may be suffering and I am kinder and more patient to them. When I am broken I let down my barriers and allow others in, and allow God to touch me through the love of others. When I am faced with all my sins, I am so grateful for the grace of Christ and thankful to my core for all that I’ve been given. When I have lost my life is when I gain it.

However, I am plagued by long-term memory loss. Just as my inability to truly remember the pain of childbirth allowed me to become pregnant over and over again, my inability to remember the pain and fear and emptiness of the pit allows me to sin over and over again. It is insanity. I repeat the same mistakes, and every time I covet, every time I show pride, every time I fail to love my neighbor as myself I dig myself deeper. Perhaps it is impossible to live open and raw and vulnerable as I am in the pit without committing the sins that throw me down there. Luckily for me our God has memory loss as well. The psalmist assures us that when we cry from the depths, the steadfast love that heals us also wipes our slate clean.